I suddenly was on a bevy of medications, most of which were (and still are) very harsh on my system. My weight increased a lot during this period, and I wore a US 18 (even typing that number instigates shame inside me, over 15 years later). I had a wonderful boyfriend who loved me the way I was, but I was becoming the But Girl. Not But because of my large bum, but rather 'Sue is really beautiful, but chubby.' At one time in my third year, I hated my body so much that I crawled into the closet and lay on the floor sobbing, refusing to leave the house, to the point where my boyfriend wanted to call the doctor, he was so scared.

During this time, I decided I wanted to try plus-sized modeling, and my best friend took me to a casting call, lead by a famous, older plus model. I did very well at the audition (I was given a rating of 'very pretty, 4 stars') and began modeling classes, workshops and photo shoots. As an opera singer and actress, I had plenty of stage presence and confidence, and this lead to some successful local work as a model. I then moved to the east coast to start a post-grad degree at an Ivy League school, and was switched to a new medicine for PCOS - it was so harsh that I was plagued with constant and severe nausea and diarrhea, but I lost a good 20 pounds quickly. I was very active, walking everywhere and going dancing at least once a week, and I knew I looked HOT. I had some really gorgeous lovers and had wonderful fun, but I was single and fundamentally lonely. This is when I started seriously collecting vintage clothing - clothes from the 1940s and 50s are so much more forgiving to my figure, which even at my biggest has maintained its classic hourglass shape. My waist has always been much smaller than my hips, so trousers are impossible; I sidestepped the fact that the fashion industry totally ignored the needs of plus women, and wore vintage instead.

After some years, I met my wonderful husband, who loves curvy ladies. We may see any number of beautiful women in town, or on the screen, and he always says, 'She's pretty, but needs to gain 10 or 15 pounds.' I managed to lose weight for our wedding, but then gained it back after we moved to the UK and got into a terrible car accident. It's hard to eat healthily here as it is, especially as a vegetarian - you Brits know how to take potatoes and fat, and combine them in many delicious forms! Could I eat less and exercise more? Of course I could, and every day I do try. But I will never be thin, that's not possible in this body, and frankly I don't want to be. I'm still much hotter at this size then most skinny girls are, and as my best friend pointed out, my size and shape are such an integral part of me and my identity. I have had some very successful ventures while modeling in the UK, but I still face adversity and prejudice. I recently did a shoot with multiple models, and the photographer wasn't sure she wanted me to work with the thin models (male and female) because I would stand out as being different. I replied that I looked the way I look and that I was proud to be a plus model - I didn't need a lecture about how 'my body didn't do my face justice,' as she said.

I have many health problems, of which PCOS is just one - all of which have lead to some other severe issues with the way I look, and this very nearly destroyed me. Since I am limited by my physical problems, in many ways I have chosen to live the life of the mind, and I still struggle with the feeling that my body is just a bag of shit I use to haul my brain around. But I was blessed with brains, looks, talents and a wonderful family, and I would rather have all that and be ill. It's my karma in this lifetime to be sick, and I am going to live life to the fullest, as much as I can. Nothing will hold me back! I'm plus-sized, my bum's big, I have crooked teeth, my hair... I don't even want to go there, and I'm still a fabulous model! My mom also has lots of health problems, and I get my drive and pluck from her - I will keep going forward, and I have achieved much more in my life with my health problems, than people who are well.

I am so happy to be part of Angel Sinclair's Models of Diversity, this is a truly special organization that will make a real difference in people's lives. By representing real women in real society - short, old, plus sized, disabled, of all races - Angel and MoD are standing up to the fashion industry. When more than 50% of UK women are a size 16 and up, it's unethical for fashion designers to ignore us, and our buying power. Why don't we deserve to wear nice clothes too? Why is it only OK to be plus-sized if you are a celebrity? If Carmen Mac Valvo will design for Queen Latifah, and Victoria Beckham outfits Jennifer Hudson, why can't I buy their clothes too?! Sure, I do modeling because it's fun, and I like the ego boost. But I honestly believe that plus-size (or handicapped, or elderly, etc) modeling serves the cause of social justice. If a black woman feels empowered by seeing Angel being a successful model, then that is amazing! There is a little disabled girl or boy out there, and when they see Kelly Knox taking the modeling industry by storm, I genuinely feel they will recognize their own value and worth. If Velvet D'Amour can strut the Parisian runways of John Galliano and Jean Paul Gaultier at 300 pounds/ size 28, surely there are enough slices of the modeling pie to go around for everyone.

Many photographers/ make-up artists/ agencies are happy to work with me, although I often have to convince them it's OK to hire a plus model. Once in a rare while, there is a casting call for plus models only, but more often I won't even be considered because I'm not emaciated. I think there should be more than two categories in the modeling industry, for right now in the UK, size 12/14 and up is classed as plus size. I have news for you - if you're 5'10" and a size 14, you are not plus sized! I have a friend who wants to pursue modeling professionally and is a size 12; she often is disregarded for jobs because she's in between categories, and is not sure weather she should gain, or lose weight. Some work call for plus models but won't take anyone over a size 14, whereas some plus models are a 28. A size 12, 18 and 26 would never be up for the same jobs, and yet we're all categorized together. I think there should be multiple categories in the modeling world, something like Tiny, Normal, Curvy, Plus and Big. Right now, there is only Normal (which is actually emaciated) and Plus; this makes only the skinny models normative, and everyone else becomes Other. I think there are a range of healthy bodies, and each body knows the shape it wants to be, regardless of fashion, societal or medical standards. I have some friends who are very skinny and that is just naturally where their bodies want to be, no matter how much they eat or exercise (although I do not feel that sorry for them, as they're rewarded for being their natural size - they can shop in any store in the world - whereas I am castigated). I do think it's natural and healthy for some bodies to be larger, although I don't deny that being overweight can be a health problem. If you are very heavy, then you should probably lose weight, but you should love yourself now, in the process, no matter what size you are! I know my body is happiest at a US size 14 (UK 16) which is one stone smaller than where I am now. But that does not mean I shouldn't love myself in the meantime. It has taken me years to realize that my size, my physical appearance, is just one facet of who I am, and that I should not feel like a failure just because one aspect of my life is not where society would like it to be. I am knock-out gorgeous, brilliant, friendly, funny, a great cook, multilingual, in a very happy marriage, I have sung on opera stages around the world, so why should I let society make me feel Less Than just because I'm heavy?! I am not beautiful but round. I am beautiful AND round.